I was at the Stop and Shop on Harvard St. last friday during lunch hour; just slouching around the store looking at yogurt and soda and postponing my return to work, when I noticed a ruckus in the front of the store. Well, more of a hubbub. A bunch of employees were clustered around a dude walking a bike into the store, helmet on head. I figured they were giving him ish about bringing his bike into the store (he clearly had a lock), and so I didn’t have an opinion on the situation either way; I did wander over to observe, because I’m just a naturally curious person. When I got closer I realized this biker (mild mannered helmet wearer with cargo-ready hybrid) was visibly upset – he had entered the store chasing after a man that had knocked him to the ground as he entered the parking lot on his bicycle. Just body-slammed him, out of nowhere.

This is the point at which I get a little steamed.

As I am questioning (to myself, I’m still just an observer) why someone would just knock a biker over in a Stop and Shop parking lot, and what Mr. Mild Mannered Biker did to deserve it, the group of us finally overtake Mr. Shove. The group confronts him and Mr. Mild Manners recounts the incident in the lot, with a query as to what brought that on. Mr. Shove barks something that sounds very much like what a cop would say when confronted, but it’s not intelligible enough for me to remember. Not really complete sentences. He may be disturbed, or he may not have had his coffee yet… but either way it’s clear that this guy has a problem; he’s a bully and a jerk, and he is STILL making threatening gestures. At this point I think , “ok here’s where Mr. Mild calls the police and reports him.. maybe gets him arrested”. But no! Mr. Mild Mannered backs down and takes his bike outside, riding away.

This is where I kind of freak out, because I feel that this is EXACTLY the kind of behavior (by cyclists) that allows us to be such easy victims of other people’s belligerence and frustration. I am feeling the flame of bikey solidarity boiling up in me, and I am pissed.

So I followed Mr. Shove outside and set my phone to take his picture. He noticed me doing this and barks “You take my picture and I’ll break that camera!”

So I took his picture, and I barked right back, “He should have called the police and had you arrested.”

Arf arf arf!

In retrospect, I question the prudence of this. Sure, I was in a public place with access to immediate assistance if he’d done something, but this guy was clearly not quite right in the head. And ALSO… this wasn’t my fight. Just because Mr. Mild Mannered was on a bike doesn’t mean he and I are part of some exclusive gang; I didn’t know him from Adam. But then again… I would likely have done the same thing even if he WASN’T on a bike.. the bike is just what attracted me in the first place. It’s easy to back someone up if you have some immediately recognizable kinship to them. Sometimes we identify with people because they are the same age group, or they wear similar clothing (all it takes is someone sporting a Death’s Head motif), but what if we all had this immediate ‘tend and befriend’ reaction to someone in distress, despite the lack of social indentifier? I’d like to see that happen, in myself and with the community.

The Story

You heard me right. I loathe to even think about watching myself blither incoherently on television, but that’s what’s going to happen tonight on WBZ-TV, channel 4 in Somerville. The 11pm news will be running a special report about the MBTA’s neglect of traffic laws, among other things, and they’re using excerpts from my interview last Friday. Yikes!

At least we’re getting the issue out there, YAAAAY!

“I think you should write a formal letter of complaint to the Mayor.”

Uh..  ohkay.

I also tend to call the police ALOT; I have the numbers for Brookline, Boston District 14, Downtown Boston, Cambridge and Somerville Police Departments in my phone contacts. No, I’m not calling about the kids on my lawn. I call about double parked cars, people threatening my life, people parked in the bike lane, etc. I asked the gentleman I was speaking to today what the best number to call to get someone  on the scene in a NON emergency (see: person parked in the bike lane) is, and he said,

“Just call 911 and tell them its not an emergency. If you call the police station we’ll have to call them anyway to get to dispatch.”

So… yeah. I guess I’ll be calling 911 a bunch in the near future, and hoping I don’t get yelled at if the offender decides to take the hint and pull out of the bike lane and into the night, leaving me standing there holding the phone, so to speak.

Back when CanCan Revolution was in heavy rotation, our lovely Kitty Fox decided that we should incorporate Karaoke into our acts – we would create a playlist of songs that members of the audience could choose from, and we would act as back up dancers while they butchered these tunes. After CCR stopped performing due to other responsibilities, the idea lost it’s urgency. Last week at the Slutcracker cast party, Sugar Dish and her minions performed a kickass version of  ZZ Top’s ‘Sharp Dressed Man’, and brought it all back to me full force. I still want to get this going, possibly with Kitty and Violet, maybe with a mish-mash of Sluts. I personally wanted us to have a specific act for each song, but if we have a selection of, say, the top 50 most sung Karaoke songs of all time, that’s a shitload of dances to learn! So right now I’m in the process of amassing a list of 15-20 hot songs that are also theatrical, and well known to Friday Night Hams everywhere, so I can create quick and dirty productions to each of them.

The list begins..

1. Bonnie Tyler – Total Eclipse of the Heart – One of the best karaoke love songs, this track was also one of the best loved songs of the 80s and was a former #1 Billboard hit. Also, this is hilarious… Literal Eclipse of the Heart
2. Joan Jett and the Blackhearts – I Love Rock n Roll
3. Journey – Don’t Stop Believing
   
4. Meatloaf – Paradise by the Dashboard Light
5. The Police- Roxanne
6. Bon Jovi – Livin’ on a Prayer
   
7. The B52’s – Rock Lobster
   
8. Sir Mix-a-Lot – Baby Got Back
9. Big and Rich – Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy
10. Madonna – Like a Virgin
11. Styx – Mr. Roboto
12. Cyndi Lauper – She Bop
    
13. The Village People – YMCA
14. Depeche Mode – John The Revelator – I only picked this one because we already have props and a dance for it.. don’t know if they even offer it karaoke style.
15. The Weathergirls – It’s Raining Men

Ok… I think that’s about enough for now. I linked them all mostly as a reference for myself once I start creating choreography for each. The question is;  is it impractical to imagine having different choreography/props for each song, or should we really stick to canned dance moves and basic burlesque style outfit setup? And will people really be satisfied with only 15-20 songs to choose from, even if they are these fuckmazing songs? If we do go with the canned costume and dance scenario, should we include more songs? Will people be bored by that?

I also imagine people being shyer than usual to approach the stage, since it would be more of a spectacle, so I expect one of the dancers to be singing a few of the songs.

The idea of this is very exciting to me… I hope it comes to fruition.

I’ve been AWOL lately, but with good reason.

It’s Slutcracker season, of course! I’ve been busting my behind keeping all those sluts in line! If you haven’t seen it, there are still tickets for 8pm at the Somerville Theater on Thursday and Sunday, with a matinee on Sunday as well.

Krank and I have been fairing quite well so far this season. The New England weather has been crazier than usual, if that’s even possible. We’ve been as high as 70, as low as the teens and had all sorts of precipitation so far this month. I rode through all of it, but I must say I prefer straight snow to rain or a ‘wintry mix’ (NE weather’s equivalent of diarrhea ).  Last year’s coat is working fine for me, and with the addition of some extra gear, I’ve been a snug bug even in the freezingest of temps.

First off, I got a cheap pair of goggles to keep the cold/precip out of my eyes. They’re not perfect, but they match Krank’s brushed chrome details!

The Sneer

Also, because my blood pressure is super low and my body temp runs low, I tend to lose blood in my hands during really cold rides. I call this ‘Zombie Finger’, and it is not fun. I’ve found that the only way to combat this issue is the CLAW.

the CLAW!

These power gloves are so good, my hands are sweaty even on 15F days. I haven’t bothered with any special footwear yet this year, but once it gets really gross out there I’ll probably start wearing my Apocalypse Boots with a couple pairs of wool socks inside. I miss having clips on my pedals, but the freedom of wearing whatever I want on my feet far outweighs the inconvenience of not adding the ‘pull’ to my ‘push’. So far my eight speeds have been working ok, with slight grinding in the low end probably due to cable relaxation. I’ll have to bring it back to Ace Wheelworks for a tuneup soon, since all these parts are new and liable to have settled, and I want a professional hand to finagle the spokes, the cables, etc. Until then, Kranky and I will continue to plague the motorists of the greater metro.

Also, despite the fact that I haven’t had any really BAD experiences with the local police, I’m seeing more and more that cycling related incidents are not on their ‘high priority’ radar, whether it be responding to a parked vehicle in the bike lane, a theft of cycle, or an act of aggression by motorist (even if it involves a hit and run, police won’t respond unless you or your bike are damaged). I’m working toward creating our own version of Dorchester’s  ‘Angels’ – where rather than fight drug crime, this would be a group that advocates for, draws attention to, investigates for and supports local cyclists in a very aggressive way. I already do a share  of this on my own, and if we could get as many cyclists as possible working in a network, I think we could make a big impact on the way local authority views the cyclist’s struggle. It’s about time crime against cyclists was taken seriously.

So anyway, more on this after the XXXmas season!

NOW WITH WINGS!!

Venturenaught: Krankenberry

I selected all the bits myself and purchased them on the internets, but major thanks to the super helpful and mega knowledgeable people at Ace Wheelworks in Somerville.  They put the whole thing together for me, since I don’t have any tools beyond your average chainbreaker or pedalwrench-con-bottlecap-remover. Now all I need is a set of neon green or magenta panniers! Someone link me, I’ve been looking everywhere!