Posts Tagged ‘ fail ’

Maybe it’s time to give up.

Thursday, December 6th, 2012

Another cyclist was killed today. A tractor trailer turned in front of him on Comm. Ave. and he didn’t have time to stop. He died at the scene.

From the reports I’m reading and the general feeling of the community, it looks like it’s going to be another no-fault or cyclist-fault death. I really can’t remember the last time a motorist was publicly charged with any kind of crime in regards to a cyclist’s death around here.

I’m so, so angry, but more than that I’m scared shitless. After what happened to me the other day, I realize that I could be dead right now and nobody would have been charged with my death. Had I not jumped the curb away from my attacker’s black SUV, I might have been lying dead in the gutter until discovered by the joggers that passed by about five minutes later.  The police hadn’t made a report, so no-one would connect my  death with the altercation that happened only minutes before. And my killer would go free, just like the killers of all these other cyclists in the news of late.

I’m gravely considering giving up my bike, and buying a T pass. My commute would go from 30 minutes to 60-120 minutes one way. I would spend about $600 a year on T passes. But I would be alive. I wouldn’t have to wonder every day if I’d be alive at the end of the day. My boyfriend wouldn’t have to say, ‘PLEASE, please be careful.’ and email me to make sure I made it.

With what’ s been happening lately, it just might not be worth it to ride any more.




The Other Side of the Coin

Wednesday, December 5th, 2012

Any biker knows that for every conscientious, considerate driver, there are about one hundred self-important motherfuckers who’d sooner run you down than use their blinker properly.

I met one last night on the way back from a friend’s house at about 8pm. I was taking a left from Cedar St. on to Broadway when  I was almost swerved into by a big black SUV (Grimlocke makes the shocker gesture here). I quickly saw why – the bleached blonde behind the wheel was holding her phone up in front of her face in the middle of her view, reading and driving at the same time. Since her windows were open, I obviously gave her some much needed driving instruction,


She retorted with a string of profanity that ended with threats of physical violence, and then she pulled over and exited her vehicle with a demand for me to, “Git off your bike!”. I did as requested.

She got about 1″ away from my face and began asking who I thought I was and what I was talking about, and when I reiterated that she should not be driving while texting, or reading texts, she claimed that she hadn’t been doing so. The next couple of minutes went a little like this:

Grim: You shouldn’t be looking at your phone while driving.

Bitch: I wasn’t looking at my phone!

Grim: Look, you and I are the only people here, and we wouldn’t be having this conversation if you hadn’t almost hit me because you were looking at your phone, so lying about it isn’t really going to help your argument.

Bitch: I wasn’t looking at my phone!


Once she realized that I wasn’t buying the lie, she took a different tangent,

“My phone is ALWAYS in my hand! I drive like that! Do you ALWAYS have both your hands on your handlebars?”

Grim, “Yes!”

Bitch, “But I saw you take your hand off to signal!”


In response to my insult on her intelligence, she responded with, “YOU are the one wearing a HELMET!”

Grim, ” ಠ_ಠ

After I was done boggling at her, I restated that I just wanted her to be more careful, and that if she kept looking at her phone while driving, she was likely to end up murdering someone. She then pointed to her license plate and indicated what she called the ‘thin blue line’. (I didn’t see what she was talking about, and said so.) She told me to go home and Google the ‘thin blue line’ and then I’d know who I was dealing with and what trouble I was getting into, because she was ‘local’, she claimed, and she was ‘connected’. I nodded sagely and continued to not have a clue what she was talking about.

At this point I was able to really take a look at her, and I realized that she was standing there cussing me out, all 5’1″ of her, in a baby pink sweat suit with a giant red rhinestone heart on the belly and a pair of fuzzy leopard Uggs. I couldn’t resist. I took out my phone and said, backing up,

“Can I take your picture? This is just too hilarious.”

As I brought the phone up to my face, she flipped out and started screaming that it was illegal to take her picture, to which I responded that it was perfectly legal and continued to try to focus on her. Then she flew at me with claws out.

I backed away some more, but she started clawing my face with one hand and yanking my phone with the other, so I did the only thing I could think of at the time. I headbutted her in the face with my helmet.

The look on her face was more fulfilling than a thousand beautiful sunsets.

She said something along the lines of ‘Don’t DO that!’ and came at me again as I continued to back up. Apparently having not learned the first time, she clawed at me again and received another headbutt to the face. That’s when the cops showed up.

The police were calm and respectful, and listened to her blatant and flagrant lies without much interest. They took her info and mine and gave us the ‘you may press charges of assault against each other if you so choose’ spiel. I thanked them and moved on. She was detained a bit because the address she gave them didn’t match that which was on her license. Sweet, sweet schadenfreude.

I walked my bike away a bit and got back on Broadway heading west. She caught up to me in the middle of the bridge over the railroad tracks and, spitting unintelligible profanities through the open window, tried to run me off the road. I was able to hook sharply up onto the curb, but I was jolted off my bike and had the wind knocked out of me. She sped away down Boston Avenue, cackling.

Shaking and crying at this point, I called 911. I let them know I wasn’t hurt and not to send an ambulance, but I requested the officers that we’d just spoken to. I was transferred between departments three times. I gave them my name and phone number, and they told  me to wait there.

I waited at the intersection of Boston and Broadway for 20 minutes before realizing that no-one was coming. As my house was only a block away, I figured that if they really were interested in my situation, they could call and I could come out to meet them. Nobody called.

I’m fine, my bike is fine, but my faith in the justice system and the decency of motorist-kind are irrevocably damaged to an extreme degree. And this was just another day on the street.

If I ever find you…

Tuesday, October 2nd, 2012

Last week my dear friend Kathleen was run down by a cyclist while she walked home on Highland at 12am. She was on the sidewalk, and whoever it was hit her from behind. She fell so hard that she blacked out, and when she woke up she was covered in blood from cuts on her face and hands.

This is the second time she’s been hit by a cyclist on Highland, while on the sidewalk, in a month. She’s not the only person I know to have been hit while walking on the sidewalk in the last month.

If I ever, ever find out who knocked my Kathleen down and didn’t stay to find out if she was ok, not only will their bike be shoved so far up their ass they’ll be able to pedal with their tonsils, I will make sure they cannot tie their shoes without assistance for the rest of their life.

Get off the fucking sidewalk. It’s not where you belong. And what kind of person hits a pedestrian and rides off without seeing if they’re fucking conscious? You’re as bad as the motorists around here!

Either way, I will be patrolling Highland from now on.


The Value of Life

Tuesday, September 18th, 2012

Traffic Tickets in Massachusetts

Speeding:  $100 base, $50 surcharge, $200 for every violation of 20 mph. over the posted limit.

Passing a School Bus in Dropoff Mode: $250

Parking Adjacent to Fire Hydrant: $100

Parking in a Taxi Stand: $50

Parking on Sidewalk: $40

Double Parking: $20

Running a Stop Light/Sign: $100

Causing the Death of a Cyclist: $0

Parking Over 1′ From Curb: $20

Blocking Handicap Ramp: $100


If I am traveling in the bicycle lane going North, and a tractor trailer is traveling the same road going South, and the tractor trailer takes a left across my lane sharply enough that I do not have time to swerve out of the way, or stop, and I die…  who is at fault? This is not a trick question.

LESS Bike Infrastructure!

Friday, May 11th, 2012

This used to be my bike lane…

204-209 N. Harvard St. Allston MA, Facing North



















204-209 N. Harvard St. Allston MA, Facing South





















There  used to be a full bike lane here, aligning perfectly with the one further north on N. Harvard. It was  a bit treacherous because all kinds of vehicles would park in it anyway to visit the Dunken Donuts lurking behind the UPS truck in pic 2, but I was vigilant and tried to clear them out every time. Sadly, the three or four times I came across a fire engine or ambulance there, they just laughed at me when I asked them to move from the bike lane.

And then, they paved the road. The bike lane has reappeared on the opposite side of the street, but I guess the Infrastructure Gurus think that our safety is less important than the public’s need for hot coffee and glazed donuts.

Thanks again, guys!

Pork the Po-Po

Friday, April 27th, 2012

I just saw a cop in uniform take a swift and badly executed left on very red while in a civilian car with civilian plates. He had also cut me off. When I barked, “Thanks!” into his open window, he retorted with “FUCK YOU!”.

If that isn’t exemplary of the entire bloody situation, I really don’t know what is.

Oh boo hoo.

Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

There has been a lot of rough talk against cyclists lately, namely because of the San Fran incident in march that killed a 71 year old man. Long story short, the cyclist was going fast, pushed through a yellow and then slammed into the elderly man as he emerged into the crosswalk, killing him. Now, you’re going to hate me for what I have to say next, but guess how many fucks I have to give? Boo. Fucking. Hoo. There are people calling for the cyclist’s freedom over this, and vilifying bikers of all stripes because of it. Really, people? This was ONE INCIDENT. Sure, the cyclist may have been a bit negligent, but he didn’t break the law any more than every fucking Masshole douchecannon does every day by pushing through yellow lights, or turning left on red against a pedestrian light.

One incident involving a negligent cyclist killing a pedestrian, compared to tens of thousands of incidents every year involving negligent drivers injuring or killing pedestrians and cyclists. Innocent people of all ages and states of health. Would this poor gentleman, who my heart does hurt for believe me, have suffered the same fate were he a hale man of 30, 40, 50? Likely not. Studies show that the people most vulnerable to cyclists are the elderly and infants, not the average pedestrian. Meaning that putting more pressure on cyclists for this one incident is an unnecessary knee jerk reaction. But who would expect less from our incompetent lawmakers and enforcers and the under-informed and self-righteous masses? Ultimately, people who actually ride every day as their main form of transportation should be legislating for and against cycling. Sadly, that’s not likely in this extremely cycling-prejudiced society.

Would you like to MURDER someone and get away with it? Now you can!

Monday, April 16th, 2012

Have you ever wanted to end a person’s life, but the idea of going to jail for years or capital punishment seemed overly prohibitive? Well, I have great news for you! Now you can murder to your heart’s content and never worry about the repercussions. You just have to follow these simple rules:

  • drive a motor vehicle
  • target a cyclist
  • run over target cyclist ONLY ONCE
  • state to authorities, “I didn’t see him/her/them.”
  • bask in the warm glow of murder accomplished!

This tried and true murder method has been used over and over again throughout history, but the powers that be don’t want you to know about it! People in authority like to think they have a monopoly on murder, but it’s time we take back our right to kill! Just look at these success stores:

Success! Smashed in San Fran

Success! Nailed in New Bedford

Success! Doored in Chicago

Success! Smeared in San Diego

Success! Slammed in San Leandro

Success! New Yorkers are spearheading the murder movement!


I know you’re saying to yourself, “This will never work for me. I lack the confidence to murder someone in cold blood.” Not so, you just have to follow our foolproof plan, and remember a few guidelines:

One Hit Only! – if you back up and hit a cyclist again, you could go to jail.

Do Not Flee! – don’t confirm your guilt by fleeing the scene. Pull over, call 911, and adopt a shocked and distressed attitude while you explain to the police that you ‘didn’t see’ your target.

And when in doubt, avoid targeting your victim at intersections. If there is any doubt as to whether you ran a red light or a stop sign, you could get in trouble. Target your cyclist during a long straight stretch if possible. If there is any question as to how the cyclist went unseen, you can also claim that the cyclist lost control of his bicycle and strayed into the road.

Using these thoughtful guidelines, honest and hardworking folk can regain their confidence in killing, and the current spike in the cyclist population can be slowed and with any luck, reversed. Godspeed, prospective Murderers, and happy hunting!

Happy Monday to you too, Cambridge.

Monday, March 5th, 2012

This morning on my way down Mass Ave, rather than potbellied cops on motorcycles waiting to give mild mannered cyclists unnecessary tickets, I came upon  some kind of huge DPW truck siphoning water from the nearby hydrants. The truck was in the left lane, across the road from the hydrants, and the 3″ thick hose was unavoidable. They expected traffic to go over it.  Yours truly, assuming they had taken ‘bicycle traffic’ into account when setting this up, expected the hose to give even just a little, allowing me to stay with the flow of traffic. Nope. It rolled instead, causing me to capsize in the street, completely wracking my left elbow and knee and smooshing my bike bell beyond repair. I guess my five mile run is out of the question now, as is going more than 8mph on  my bike for the rest of the week. Thanks a bunch for thinking of the cyclists, City of Cambridge!





No More Ms. Nicebike

Thursday, September 22nd, 2011

Ok, I really gave it a shot.

When I was hit by buses on my daily commute, I complained to the MBTA, the police, and our local “Bike Czar”.  ZERO ACTION

When I was repeatedly hit by cars while riding in the bike lane, adhering to the regulations of the road, I followed the same trail of bureaucracy and it led NOWHERE.

Remember this? I filled out quite a few of these complaint forms, and filled them with details of each violation and violator.  NO ACTION

I have repeatedly reported violations, to the point of  going on television (human interest, haha) to showcase the shortcomings of MBTA operators. Since then, the rampant negligence, hostility, and sometimes murderous intent of operators has remained unchanged. This tells me that though reports are being made, they have NO IMPACT on the daily lives of MBTA employees.

Now, the rumor is that Cambridge Police are stepping up cyclist-oriented ticketing. I’m sorry, what WHAT? If you, like me, ride these streets daily, you know that motorists make the monster share of traffic violations. Left on red, running through red, double parking, illegal u turns, harassment of other motorists, hit and runs – give me ten minutes and I can go out and grab at least ten examples on my phone camera. Between Brookline and Somerville, I’m hard pressed to see 5 cyclist run reds, but I have to witness motorists break the law at EVERY CYCLE OF LIGHTS AT EVERY INTERSECTION.

Again. WHAT THE FUCK, Cambridge Police?

If you want to protect cyclists, maybe you should TICKET MORE MOTORISTS.

Maybe this is community backlash brought on by the significant increase in T fares that seem to be on the horizon. Fellow cyclists, have you ever ridden by a 66 bus in October, the people inside sardined against the glass, and really taken a look at their faces? You can tell they’re seething with hate inside, choking on their projected image of the smug, healthy and happy cyclist cruising to work at their own pace every day. I can see how that kind of human wreckage could be feeling significant schadenfreude over this ticketing barrage.

We do not deserve it, and I for one will not fucking stand for it. I will not accept a ticket. Nor will I accept driver’s harassment, threats, taunts and assaults. I will defend myself in whatever manner I see fit, and do everything in my power to avoid street attention by our corrupt and misguided group of overlording institutions.

I gave it my best shot, I really did. Now I guess I’ll be dedicating this blog to the daily thrill of my rebellion. Stay tuned!