The Story

For as long as I’ve been Cycling the streets of Cambridge, the east end of Cambridge Street has had two perfectly serviceable bike lanes .. but with one conspicuously absent feature.

Where's the little man?

Or the 'cyclist diamond'?

I’m no expert, but I hear tell that unless these little icons are present in the lane, these lanes are not lawfully bike lanes, and cyclists using them are therefore not subject to the same protection that they would be in a true bike lane, or even a ’squeezeway’! The horror! To be bamboozled into thinking we’ve got the protection of the city when the lines mean nothing at all!  And this is a road where lanes like this are truly necessary – double-parking is at it’s worst here on Cambridge Street, meanwhile cars blast by at speed, trying to make it past the next yellow light. Aggressive driving is rampant, and motorists in this area are none too kind to the average cyclist – I’ve learned this the hard way.

Another thing I noticed was a significant lack of bicycle parking… and a suspicious coating around all the meters.

What and why?

This black plastic coating made it very difficult for me to use my ‘fun size’ Kryptonite U-lock. Is this thing here to help or hurt cyclists? For the love of Gond, what is it? There are scores of businesses on Cambridge Street that can, will and do benefit from the patronage of cyclists, but sadly this fact seems to have gone unnoticed.

Dear [Grimlocke],

On behalf of Governor Deval L. Patrick, thank you for your recent correspondence regarding the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority. We have forwarded your letter to Massachusetts Department of Transportation  for further review. If necessary, please be assured you will receive a response as quickly as possible. We are committed to addressing your concerns promptly.

Again, thank you for contacting Governor Patrick’s office and please feel free to contact our office in the future with any questions or concerns you may have regarding other matters.

Sincerely,

Governor Patrick’s Constituent Services Office

617-725-4005

www.mass.gov/governor/contact

I’m happy that I’m getting word of some action, if not seeing first hand. I also haven’t seen any dangerous behavior for.. wow about a week. I’m not on the streets as much as I am in the warmer months, but I still cover at least 14-20 miles of the worst roads in the area, every day. Today I have the pleasure of taking Cambridge up to the River Street bridge, up River and along Prospect – possibly one of the crappiest rides in the city. We’ll see what I spy along this route, aside from debris – strewn and potholed shoulder, gridlocked cars and jaywalking peds.

“I think you should write a formal letter of complaint to the Mayor.”

Uh..  ohkay.

I also tend to call the police ALOT; I have the numbers for Brookline, Boston District 14, Downtown Boston, Cambridge and Somerville Police Departments in my phone contacts. No, I’m not calling about the kids on my lawn. I call about double parked cars, people threatening my life, people parked in the bike lane, etc. I asked the gentleman I was speaking to today what the best number to call to get someone  on the scene in a NON emergency (see: person parked in the bike lane) is, and he said,

“Just call 911 and tell them its not an emergency. If you call the police station we’ll have to call them anyway to get to dispatch.”

So… yeah. I guess I’ll be calling 911 a bunch in the near future, and hoping I don’t get yelled at if the offender decides to take the hint and pull out of the bike lane and into the night, leaving me standing there holding the phone, so to speak.

I want to give props to a guy that I pass every day on my homeward bound commute. This policeman is always directing traffic at that wonky intersection on the Brookline side of Coolidge Corner. At first, I would ride through and he would scowl at me along with all the motorists, but with persistant smiling, I have broken his resolve. I now get a smile every time I ride by him, and today he quipped, ” nice goggles! “. I’m glad he’s there, keeping an eye on stuff, and I feel safer for his presence. Hats off to you, my good man.

I highly doubt he ‘asked’ the kids to get out of his way, especially if it was who I think it was.

A few weeks ago, a truck from Brighton Towing pushed me into the curb while I was traveling in the bike lane in the Brookline end of Harvard St., southbound. When we reached a red light, I hollered ‘Too Close’, at the driver, as I am wont to do when speedy parasites infringe upon my lanespace. When he caught up with me again, he swerved into the bike lane ON PURPOSE this time, screaming out the window. Assault with a deadly tow truck, I’d call that. Anyway, I found out his name is Jay, via calling the number ON HIS TRUCK. Idiot.

Seems someone got their just desserts at Brighton Towing, probably for following this same driving/public relations pattern. I really hope it was our good friend Jay. Karma is a dirty bitch, and I buy her a whole lot of drinks.

Today’s experiment yielded a chap going up the pedestrian ramp, on a bike, suuuuper slowly. I felt a bit bad for him until I passed and realized that he was doing it with one hand because in the other he was holding a cup of Dunk. “The coffee, it’s a handicap!”, I exclaimed. (see: The goggles, they do nothing!) I hope he understood that I was just playing with him. He then proceeded to blow through every red light all the way up Harvard St. in Allston. Holding a coffee. I wish I’d caught his name so I can keep an eye out for it in the police notes.

The second anomaly of today was a large tow truck, marked Brighton Towing, Inc.   The truck swerved into the bike lane to avoid a ‘$100 fine’ standing mid-road sign and was close enough to brush my elbow. At the next red light I hollered “TOO CLOSE!” into  his window, as a public service announcement. I’m nice like that. As he passed me farther on he swerved in toward me threateningly and yelled something out of the window that was entirely unintelligible but obviously negative, so at the NEXT red light I stopped and queried at his window. I’m not sure if his face was just built like that or if he was actually really trying, but he was giving me the most moronic look I’ve ever seen on another human being. Given the amount of reality TV I’ve seen in the past I was not a little bit impressed. He ended his rant of garbled nonsense with ‘why are you riding a bike, are you not right in the head?’…

What does one say to this, really?

What drivers of large vehicles owned by small businesses need to understand is that if they act like idiots on the road, all you or I have to do is stroll inside and google the name of their company. I called Brighton Towing, and I now know that the operator that threatened me goes by the name of Jay. I didn’t go to the police because I don’t really have anything to show (and man do they hate to be bothered unless you’re bleeding), but I DO know how to contact him if I need to, and I know the address of his place of business, and his email address. Good going, Jay. May you land yourself the role of a lifetime in the next season of ‘Traffic Wars’.

If you see a silver convertible BMW with the license plate NCN and a faded pair of Red Sox underneath the plate driving around today, tell the fat entitled bitch behind the wheel that Grimlocke the bike vigilante says Hi. She’ll probably know who you mean. Also remind her that the bike lane is never a casual parking spot, even if you ‘have a child in the car’, because yes, I do indeed have all day, and yes, I will call our good friends the police. Because yes, I am a smartass bitch. I chose it as a hobby because I have a knack. I should have taken a picture of this chubby twit.

On the topic of things I should have taken a picture of – the second person I stopped to be a smartass bitch at today because they were parked in the bike lane was actually a woman with a beard. I just kept riding. Some things you just have to let go.

Thursday, August 27th, 2009. North Harvard St.

blue skies and open roads

I need a new bike. I have a nice big chunk of change earmarked for this new bike. I know exactly what I want to be riding, from stem to stern, as it were. You’d think it’d be easy to walk into a shop and/or a custom build boutique and say “here, have my moneys and give me this not so complex item” but noooo. It seems that all the shops are too busy (or too cool) to need my cash, and the designers are all so backed up that there’s no way I’d be getting anything concrete until the middle of next summer. What’s a girl to do? I want a bike, and I want it NOW(ish)! I know that if I don’t get someone to help soon, I’m going to just break down and get a pre-assembled POS to ride for another year, and I won’t be satisfied. Grr.

In other news, it seems that they have decal’d and signed the bike lane on N. Harvard, which is awesome. Not so awesome is the fact that it seems tickets are no deterrent to the people who really want to park there. I wonder how much they are ticketing for. I think this afternoon I’ll stop and take a peek at the total price of being a douchebag. At the same time I may leave a ticket of my own. Here’s a peek:

My phone cam is crappy, but on the back of the fake ticket you can check boxes on such violations as:

• Parking like a Jackass
• Taking up 2 Spaces (Jerk)
• Being Illiterate (it says ‘RESERVED’)
• Ugly Driver Violation

And much much more! You can get these fakey tickets at bigmouthtoys.com.