I almost called in sick to work today, owing to the fact that all my friends have tried to give me the sheep shingles, or the buffalo buboes, or whatever the fuck virus is going around right now. Coyote crabs. Seal scabies. Rhinoceros Rickets. Viper vapors. But try as I might, I simply could not get my temperature to go above 96.8. Damn this superior Germanic constitution of mine.

Anyone who knows me can tell you I loathe children of all ages. I also think, and feel free to disagree with me here, that bike seats for toddlers are possibly the worst idea ever. And those things they make to attach an extra seat and pedals to a large bike just don’t work that well, and frankly just look super dumb. What I saw today on my ride, though, hit me with a wave of nostalgia for my own misspent youth, and the days when Dadoo Climbout was teaching me how to ride my own bike.
A woman on a hybrid, dressed in dour work attire with appropriately ugly safety helmet approached mass ave. cautiously from a cross street. Following along behind her looked like nothing less than her double in slight miniature, but of the opposite sex. She stopped and waited for the light, and when the green was in her favor, motioned for her obvious progeny to proceed along behind her. I was forcibly reminded of a mother goose leading her goslings across a busy street. It was pretty fucking adorable, and it was exactly right. This shining parental example almost makes up for the woman I saw jaywalking against rush hour traffic yesterday dragging her special little snowflake along by the arm, both obviously bound for ballet class. Chalk it up to bad parenting, little ballerina, if you end up ruining your dancing career after a tragic incident involving an SUV, a latte, and an errant text message. I’m a horrible person.

Just an FYI: I didn’t reverse the digits – I just have a naturally low body temp. Fo realz!

Tags: rage

This entry was posted on Friday, October 2nd, 2009 at 11:44 am and is filed under Rants. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.